Justice Is a Shared Story – Let’s Write It Together?

Reporting by Mike C. O’Pilot

In a move that has baffled criminologists and delighted nosy neighbours, the North East Somerset Police Service has launched a bold new initiative inviting the public to help solve real crimes—yes, actual crimes, like murder—not just the mystery of who keeps nicking the milk from the station fridge.

The initiative, titled “Justice Is a Shared Story – Let’s Write It Together,” is being described by officials as “a revolutionary approach to community policing” and by everyone else as “basically Reddit, but with handcuffs.”

Starting next month, residents will be given access to redacted case files from unsolved investigations and encouraged to submit their own theories, motives, and “gut feelings.” Submissions can be made online, via B&NES Libraries, or by shouting them across the fence at PC Clive, who’s reportedly “just trying to water his begonias in peace.”

The Chief Superintendent says the idea came after a particularly spirited Neighbourhood Watch meeting turned into a three-hour debate about whether the vicar’s dog was a reliable witness.

“We realised the public has a lot of opinions,” said Hargreaves. “Some of them are even useful. And if we’re honest, we’ve all seen that one aunt at Christmas who could out-detective Poirot with a glass of sherry and a hunch.”

The scheme has already attracted interest from local residents, including:

• A retired butcher who claims he can “smell guilt”
• A woman who solved her own missing sock case using astrology
• And a man who insists every crime in the region is connected to a single rogue badger

While the police stress that all submissions will be reviewed by actual detectives, they also admit they’re “open to wild theories, provided they’re well-punctuated.”

Critics have raised concerns about the potential for chaos, but the department remains optimistic. “We’ve tried everything else,” said a spokesperson. “Frankly, if someone’s nan can crack a cold case while waiting for her bingo numbers, we’re not going to stop her.”

The first case file will be released in June, and the public is encouraged to “think critically, collaborate respectfully, and please stop accusing your ex just because they still owe you a lawnmower.”

Because in North East Somerset, justice isn’t just blind—it’s now crowdsourced, caffeinated, and possibly wearing slippers.